This one was born of my struggle to accept things that I cannot change and live my life beyond that moment.
Original Post: 31 January 2009 at 3:41pm—from Facebook Notes, revised 3 February 2014
I’m a very attentive person when I try to be. I try to take in everything I see and hear (granted, my short-term memory span doesn’t exactly help). I especially notice opposites: modesty versus immodesty, truth versus lies, depression versus joy, helplessness versus having a grip on life, etc. And I especially notice when people have changed and when they have something to hide.
It seems to me that, while most of the people I know are generally normal and okay with their lives, a few people have issues; and having been through stuff myself, I keep on asking myself, “What can I do to help?” and I think I have an answer.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but have you had something that you treasured more than anything, then you made one simple decision for better or for worse, or maybe something happened that was completely beyond your control, and it was gone, in all likelihood to never be within your grasp again? I struggled with this myself, and even though you can feel the absence like a severed vein, I know one thing to be so true: nothing can take it away.
What do I mean? Two things, mainly.
First of all, nothing can take away the pain. It’s just not going to happen. Take any meds you want. Drown it out with substance abuse. You might get high off of it, but it won’t change your life. It won’t take that situation you have and make it alright. And complaining about it definitely isn’t going to help, though we all need to let it out every now and again. Making it a lifestyle for attention, though, isn’t going to help you. Sure, it’s great to ask people for advice and help when we feel helpless, but crossing that line to create drama only hides the real issues, preventing you from finding real help.
But secondly, there is a parallel to the fact that nothing can take away the pain: nothing can take away the memory. While the memory is what creates the pain in the first place by making you long for what you once had, the memory is also the one thing that can truly eradicate it. If you have that good memory that you wish you had back—that girlfriend, that home, that church, that family member, anything—you can say, “Hey, I had that. I was fulfilled in my life. I had a close connection with a person. I achieved that goal.” Maybe somebody moved, passed on, you lost something precious, a friendship was shattered, your abilities have faded (mental or physical), but nothing can take away the fact that they were yours, and nothing can undo the past, good or bad. So if good is in it, find it, and hold it.
No matter how much you’ve lost, at least you can say that you had it, and remember that life doesn’t end here even if one chapter does. Don’t lose sight of reclaiming what you can, but if you can’t get it back, even if it’s difficult to accept, please, for your own sanity, try. You will slowly start to see how good you have it and how good things can become if you refuse to let the past enslave you but instead let it propel you. Your life may not be a bed of roses. It might not even be a little rosebush. But at least you’ll have that one rose, and regardless of how many thorns have to prick your hand to hold it, you will still have it to nurture and behold its beauty.